Several times a day, a thought descends on me like a trap sprung from an overhead branch. In a moment’s notice, I’m taken, crashing, to the ground. This thought, in this time, owns me. I mean it’s all over me. [Think of the overweight nerdy guy in Jurassic Park when he crashes his Jeep and that spitting dinosaur sprays him in the face with acid spit and then eats him]. I worship it. I give it my total attention, my total awareness, and I see nothing beyond it. My heart races. Soon an overwhelming sense of guilt overshadows me.
“Matt, you should have done that thing weeks ago. Then you wouldn’t be here in this moment of anxiety.” Or, “Whoa! You almost went a whole week without thinking about that thing from the last time this happened! What’s wrong with you!” I then morph into God and condemn myself. The most comical thing of all this is that it very rarely leads to immediate action. It is a circular pattern of thought that endlessly spirals in on itself leading to another such moment in the future.
I’m reading a book by John Ortberg called “the me I want to be”. And man is it insightful. It is super practical, biblical, and an absolute gift from God. I’m learning that I’m like an old circuit board that’s been wired the wrong way. And God is helping me rewire much of it. In the area of worry, I’ve often thought that if I could just get life to look a certain way, and eliminate certain risks and scenarios, that life would be better. But this is not true nor is it biblical. Ortberg points out, “Peace doesn’t come from finding a lake with no storms. It comes from having Jesus in the boat.” I never stop in the storm to ask the Spirit to help me assess the situation and invoke the power of Jesus. Now, I never would have said that a few weeks ago. That’s the funny thing. We go through life operating under whole sets of guidelines that we are totally unaware of. We’re unaware of them for several reasons:
- Because we spend very little time thinking critically in God’s word where these things come under attack by the Sword of the Spirit that is….the word! [That’s right! Thinking critically! “By the renewing of your mind!” – Romans 12:2]
- We don’t naturally confront one another in community when we see patterns of sin that might be holding people back b/c we fear an uncomfortable situation.
- And because we’re blinded by sin and fear; see also number 1.
But God says that if we put our mind on the things of the Spirit, that we will live, and not die [Romans 8:5-6]. And in Ephesians, Paul tells us that the word is the sword of the Spirit, and what is a sword for but killing things! Most importantly: sin!
I prayed this prayer and found it empowering and helpful:
Father I’m an addict. I am addicted to worry. Jesus would you slay this sin. Holy Spirit would you give me opportunity to walk away from this habit. Spirit: free me, prompt me, coax me—give me opportunity to defeat the evil one. I renounce any and all agreements I’ve made with the evil one in this area of worry. I ask Jesus that you would cast out the spirit of anxiety, the spirit of self-punishment, the spirit of vanity (which causes me to worship others and what they think of me). I ask in the power of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit that all out war be waged against this sin that paralyzes me and robs my Father of His due Glory. Father, I thank you that there is Victory in Christ. Jesus. I come under your authority. As my guide and my teacher, I ask you to correct me—make me whole—teach me. I submit King Jesus to your teaching and eagerly await freedom! I praise you Father for the Victory that is in Christ Jesus, and the power of the Spirit to lay hold of it!
Amen