It began last Saturday. I was on campus in Chicago and texting while walking, a dangerous endeavor (click here). When I noticed that I felt off balance, at least more than usual. I drove home from Chicago. On Monday I noticed that some words/syllables were hard to pronounce and I continued to feel off balance so I went to the doctor. He initially thought it may be an inner-ear issue. I thought it would be a bit strange for my inner ear to cause speech issues but I’m not the one with a degree in medicine. So I came home and went about life as usual. On Wednesday morning I noticed my speech had worsened and now my left hand was not responding the way I felt that it should; it fealt heavy and my movements felt imprecise. I called the Doctor who ordered me to have a CAT scan so I went in Thursday to get the scan. I’d like to say its just good service when you receive a call from the doctor just hours after your scan but I had a feeling this wasn’t just good customer service. And then those words came across his lips “a marble sized abnormality.” I felt like he had said “Matt, your hair is red” and then proceeded to tell me more about how red my hair was, which was all fine, except I know I don’t have red hair. His words seemed surreal. He waited but eventually started using words like “growth” and “tumor”. He wanted me to get an immediate MRI to get a more detailed picture so one was cued up for the following morning (Friday).
Prayer
13
Dec 10
He hoped…believing against hope…
I’ve often wondered what it means to “in hope believe against hope” [Romans 4:18].
I believe there is more than one way to hope for here there at least appears to be two ways. I believe that one is to hope as the world hopes. This worldly hope, as we shall call it, is little more than a faint thought of positivity. It is a foolish hope. It is a person, with little guarantee as to the outcome of life, wishing [or hoping] or thinking positively as to the future. This is appears to me to be the only hope one can have outside of God. Without “knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises” [2 Pet 1:3-4] we cannot have hope. For what would we hope in? Without this hope we rely on things that are fundamentally and foundationally corrupted. Paul says in Romans that all of creation [and mankind] has been subjected to futility as a consequence of man’s fall. We needn’t look far to find evidence of this.
4
Oct 10
To Serve is to See and to Be Near
[23] And Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. [24] Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. [25] Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. [26] If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
(John 12:23-26 ESV)
I want to be found wherever my Savior is.
I want to be near to him.
I want to serve him. Continue reading →